My Arranged Marraige...

I want to share with you all, my personal story of "Arranged Marraige". This is to let girls like me know that we still can find way in making our arranged marraige into a love match and always WE get to choose.
I come from a very conventional bramin family where love marraiges are unheard off. My parents are forward lot in them in a way that they let me study without interruption till I completed my postgraduation in Management. After that even if my parents let be, there are this so called "well wishing" relatives who would prod and poke at their sensitivities that they would be forced to take some initiatives towards the marraige market.
The way how things would proceed is they register the girl's/boy's horoscope in the local temple or marraige bereau service and take the horoscopes that match. From there if the horoscopes match they make contact and if everything goes well there would be exchange of photos. This is where the girl or the boy is informed and we get to make the decission whether to proceed ahead or not.
I remember when this whole process started off for me, the phone used to constantly ring at home enquiring about the girl ...infact I talked to one of the prospective father-in-law as if I am the girl's(me) aunt and told all good things about myself. If my dad comes to know of it he would kill me...(ugh..) Guys dont get me wrong...nobody was in an urgency to get married but it has to happen one way or the other and i wanted to have fun the whole way.
The next thing was the "ponnu pakra" (seeing the girl at her place ) ritual. Wow that was so much fun. Now a days the guys do not want to come to the girls place to look at the girl as they feel it is demeaning to the girl or something. They ask to meet at a common place like a hotel or temple...Personally i was not against the ponnu pakra ritual at home. I never felt demeaned or less about it. This way I felt was one could judge the guys reaction to elders, the way he carries himself...beleive me it is one hell of a delicate and embarrasing sitiuation. I had experiences when the guy was overeager or overtly shy to start a conversation. And everyone of them wanted to speak alone with the girl. My house is a 2 bedroom flat. On these days it is usually filled with the relatives too......I used to watch the guy squirm ...that was so much fun. I have no shame in saying that I had about 5 to 6 guys come to see me for their prospective bride before I settled for one. Afterall its a decission worth taking time . You are going to spend the rest of your life with that person. On a brighter and tastier note, On these days you get to eat nice dishes. the traditional soji, bajji, bonda, mixture and lots of other sweets...
There are few exception to these mentioned patterns like when the guy is in a foreign country like States or Dubai. In these cases he gives a call to the girl after the photo swapping happens.All these activities have to happen in the sequenced way, anything not following the accepted norms are dropped saying that they are not a good sign. (Phew!)
Now if the girl does not like the guy then it is the hidden norms that it should be generally told out that the boy didnt like the girl and not the truth. That part was so unpalatable, it was like everytime the girl has to take the blame of anything going wrong. My father tried to justify it to me telling that you dont want to give out an impression that you are arrogant kinds. It took my breath away hearing that. When did not liking someone become arrogance??
During all these happenings, I decide to get married to one of the guys who spoke to me over the phone. He was different from the rest of them, he captivated my attention with his talk.He was the one with whom I made the connection. Marraige is not only between the girl and the boy but also between the two families involved. So it is very important that the families are comfortable with each other. I observed that for a arranged marraige to happen it is not enough if the boy likes the girl or vice versa, the boy's mother should first approve the girl.
Now that both parties like each other it doesnt automatically lead to marraige. There are several rounds of talks that need to happen between the elders. The "Terms & Conditions" as it is called needs to be finalized. Things have gone awry after reaching this stage also to many people. And then there are several shopping trips where the Boys side take the girl to get her the marraige saree, thali etc......
Then the marraige..........Ho that is another ball game entirely.
Phew I remember when all this madcap started, at one time I was seriously thinking whether it was worth all the effort...I was in a good paying job, I need not have to depend on anyone. Infact my horoscope had no blemishes, imagine how it would be for girls who had them in theirs!!! But in the end, it was worth all of the efforts. I got my dream husband! and my parents are happy!